The Future Of My Work When Or If I ever return again...
If you are trying to read the speech context on the images,
click on the image to enlarge it.
A big reason why I took off for so long was because my computer died, the other reason is that I thought about retiring in 2024. I was also fed up and tired of the erotic art/pornographic community too. Everything from overbearing censorship policies infringing on my rights to go as far as I wanted to.I thought about this over after careful consideration that my work was not profitable or appreciated enough since Pixiv was the only place I was able to grow and gain a large following on. Other platforms like Slushe.com, Deviant Art, etc mistreated me in the past and discriminated against my work.
It's a bunch of biased double edged sword bullshit. I was extremely tired of these hypocrites. And Hentai-Foundry still have that asinine system in place where 99% of the time your art will be randomly rejected for failing to meet their "quality standards." What's worse is that it's automated since the rejection reply is always the same response, it can happen if your image is too big or some other reason.
With all these hindrances getting in my way I was losing a lot of interest and patience with social media. Baraag half the time feels totally dead, it's even worse on pawoo. They went from having a very active community to a dead one, although this was caused by certain content showing up on their platform and they tried everything to keep it off. But nothing worked so they figured the best course of action was to just outright kill the platform by deleting a ton of profiles by random over and over until everyone got tired of coming back and trying to start over.
I was treated unfairly on Slushe that I just ended up leaving on my own even though I was racking up a massive following and getting attention, over 800 followers is a lot on Slushe.com not as big as my 12,000+ on Pixiv where I had to stop creating certain art there when the Japanese platform decided to become just like the West in their new policy. The only sensible thing was for me to just remove it and give up since I was becoming increasingly bitter and furious with these platforms making every year difficult than the last.
Not to mention BORED with all the irritating limitations. Some people became disappointed and even upset with me giving up on some content that I just would never post on Pixiv ever again after I removed it and moved it over to baraag instead. I kept telling them I don't make the rules on these dying platforms. And there's nothing I can do about the shitty policy changes on them either. I'm not responsible for people choosing to be cowards in the 21st century look at the people who are in charge of the world right now....They aren't concerned about freedom of expression when they can just promote sad dogshit kinks that encourage men to give up on themselves and accept the idea of someone taking someone away from them. That's exactly how the real world is right now! Cuckoldry is a very good reflection of the 21st century. The reason I removed some of my art is because I had to prevent my account from being suspended...If Pixiv wants to cuck out for Mastercard, Visa, Paypal, or whoever the fuck owns them..That's not my fault. If people get angry and decide to stop following me on Pixiv because I won't post certain art there anymore, well I have no control over that either.
There's nothing I can do to change the rules or policies on Pixiv or any of these platforms. After spending a lot of time wallowing in despair, anger, and disappointment. I was deciding if I was going to dish out $1000 or $2000 on another computer or just give up and walk away from all of this. Before my machine stopped working and I was forced back onto my outdated computer still using DD3, a 4GB 950 GPU, and a piss poor CPU that managed to outlast the one I overpaid a fortune for that DIED.
But I'm going to need a new computer anyway. I already finished one of my books that I never sold because I had doubts about it and wanted to go back to make changes to several scenes I messed up or just didn't really like. Decisions like this normally affect my work if I leave something how it is without double checking I might regret it later. I had four books I finished back in 2020 but I already talked about why I hated them and chose not to finish them as I had moved on to something a little better even though I really liked the prison story just not the shitty decisions I made with it. I was able to create a lot of new characters out of it. Last year I did start working on the remake for it then stopped halfway through.
This other project have a much deeper story than the prison one but a voice I hear tells me that I should complete that remake anyway. I feel like story telling in these graphic novels are very important now so I take my time working on perfecting them. That's why I don't skip out on them or rush through any of it just to get to the explicit moments. Either way, I haven't decided what I'm going to do anymore. A lot can happen in 2024, some good but most of it bad. I'm not at all optimistic about the future. I see a lot more chaos coming, chaos nobody is prepared for.
Back in 2020 I made around $600 for three books before I pulled them, and I had a lot of others from way back in 2016-2018 that I didn't like which could have fetched a small profit if I kept them up for sell. $600 here and there is not enough for me to rely on my art at all. I have to at least earn up to $1000 or more to know I accomplished something worth all that effort and time.
That's why I only charge around $4.00 or $8.00 per book, never higher than that regardless of the pages. I feel the lower the price the more people will buy. Jack it up too high they won't even bother other than the true die hard fans who wouldn't mind paying extra. Still charging too much is always a terrible move to make. It's best to keep the price at a level that everyone can afford or at least fair enough.
Still I rather work on bigger and better projects because everything I did before and tried to sell was hot garbage in the past. At least with my previous project more thought went into it. I always felt that a lot of stories that people try to create is missing something to make it stand out.
Some days I might have an interest in reading a comic or two, so I scout around the web for thrillers or horror stories to see what others have come up with. I've read a few of those terrible Crossed comics but strongly hated them for all the endless gore and a lot of the characters are just stupid assholes. The best graphic novel I read last year was The Stand by Stephen King, but it wasn't a horror story. It was more of a survival thriller but I felt very tied to it and entertained.
It's still kind of disappointing that there aren't any good horror or thriller erotic comics other than all those old vintage ones I read from the early 2000s like Convent Of Hell. You won't believe how rare this genre really is. I'm talking very niche. Even with regular comics, there's so many boring as hell super hero comics being made too. Anything horror related is either Vampires or Zombies, TOO MANY goddamn zombie comics, I'm not even kidding around.
I can do things with horror and thriller you've never seen before. That's why I needed to invest in a better GPU so I could do bigger scenes without relying on my CPU. I went out and bought a 3090 GPU for $950 but still don't have a decent computer to use it with yet. I kept saying that if I ever get the chance to produce anything again I'll start where I left off. The book was going so well, and I had finally made it to the part where Veronica is being bullied by Harley Quinn before she loses her damn mind. The sex is brutal, it's hardcore, it's angry, it's violent, and it's heavily intense!
Silent Hill is what Shadow Hill is when you take horror and sexual content seriously. I was always fascinated with mental hospitals, psychiatric wards, nurses, mysterious deaths, strange sightings, things like body possessions, exorcisms, and all the explicit violent moments that go hand in hand with it. These aren't ordinary normal women we're dealing with either... They need a lot of love and understanding...After all, they are the unfortunate people that society forgot about and abandoned. Now it's up to the hospital to do it's job taking care of them...There are so many surprises in this book. Characters you didn't think would appear make appearances and you see them in ways you never seen them before. I was just really excited about it. I'm sure anyone who is tired of regular explicit stories will appreciate what I'm capable of here with this...The problem is I need an audience other than the one from Pixiv.
Since I've been discriminated against on numerous art platforms for sexual violence in my work, or someone bitching at me for a character looking too young even when I clearly stated that the character is older than what they appear...It makes it all the more difficult for me to get greater attention drawn to my work. And I don't like my content appearing on websites I'm not part of that I didn't upload content to myself. That's how I ran into my older embarrassing work that I tried to destroy and now it's plastered on some sites...Reminding me over and over why I hated that shit.
Still I somewhat enjoy the work I manage to create every now and then, and I wouldn't feel right if I didn't at least finish these books before I do decide to retire if I ever do. I have learned a lot, but been out of action for at least four or so weeks now.
Sometimes I feel like I forgot what I learned or what I use to know, but I always apply the same technique I have mastered over the years. Now I just feel bored of these methods when it comes down to lighting my scenes and need newer methods to get different results. At the end of the day I try to emulate lighting as close to the films of the early 80s, and 90s.
I really love the grunge and dirty feeling a lot of movies back then use to have compared to how movies look today. When something gets made you can tell it looks like something from Netflix...And I hate the way Netflix movies look. Even comedy films like Ace Ventura had that kind of dirty grungy lighting, but it was even more recognizable in thriller films or what Tim Burton was able to capture in his darker films like Beetle Juice. A lot of the work I do for my Yurei Yokai series borrows lighting from movies like the first Terminator. When I was sharing it with RadroachHD the first thing he said was "your lighting looks like lighting from The Terminator!" the fact that he noticed this before anyone else did was very impressive. It tells me he has a good eye for detail. I doubt anyone else would have figured out that the lighting in Yurei Yokai is similar to how it was in the Terminator film. See the resemblance below.
