No Recognition Outside The Realm
I started the Dark Art Clocktower as a way to draw attention to a new beginning. Everything I created that had been rejected elsewhere I decided to give it a new home. The Chamber Of Dark Art Archives is where you can find everything you need to immerse yourself in the world I have created from a very dangerous place...My challenging mind....As I sit and wait for more visitors to arrive and make themselves comfortable in the library of psychological thrillers. A place where creativity isn't just a word but mean something valuable. The architect that built this tower in the heartland of Shadow Hill created this structure so the history of the master responsible for the published work. Will be preserved within it's walls can live on even as the world around him declines into nothingness...You may know him as Undercity 4.
As I sit and wonder in thought what went wrong? Are there not enough curious individuals seeking something new, exciting, and different from the masses? Or perhaps I should give myself more time and wait to see if things improve...Well here is the downside to all of that...There isn't enough time anymore....As we move further into the 21st century, things are becoming more complicated and bleak. Sometimes I run into these desperate artist begging people to pay them for commissions everyday "please help, I'm behind on my rent!" "Please help, I haven't eaten in a few days and I'm hungry." 2024 was suppose to be the year I reinvent myself, but what have I done so far? Nothing!
It still feels a lot like 2023 but I know that things are going to worsen this year overtime, we now have more than two damn wars going on because even the wealthy are bored of life...So bored of life there are multiple wars happening as I type this. Meanwhile I'm just trying to find more ways to be recognized for my efforts to give the world something to look forward to through the dark world of fiction. No innocent lives are lost, no one is hurt..In this realm everything is make believe....Without fiction of this magnitude I would have nothing to look forward to. There isn't a single day that doesn't go by where I don't fantasize about creating something. That's why I get so verbally violent about censorship, censorship is no way to live and enjoy life.
Anyway there aren't too many places I can go to showcase my work of art I notice a lot less artist even post on Pixiv anymore after all the new policy changes has caused many to quit, others just don't post to begin with because real life got in the way and some were suspended but made no effort to restore their accounts if Pixiv made a mistake and sometimes they make a lot of mistakes...Reminding them doesn't always resolve the problem, but it's better to try than not try at all.
One thing I hate is being ignored when I have a problem that I can't fix unless they are willing to work with me on the matter. Trouble with Japan they've been America's bitch for too damn long, and being America's bitch is unhealthy for any nation. What happens when the U.S. ends up like Rome? And it will. There are no substitutes left, from what someone told me, even Slushe.com is dead now...Sort of.
I am aware that baraag has changed it's sign up policy so that only artist can join. They did this for the betterment of those who were targets of personal attacks because they kept getting useless accounts on the platform taking up space just to harass artist. It wasn't doing the platform much good and so now some artist find themselves getting less likes, less followers due to the number of other instances that have shut down, not enough people who are artist joining Baraag.
And artist rarely follow other artist or click like on their work. Therefore without non-artist your chances of growth are limited to a few who take notice of your content. If I may be honest, I feel like I'm just posting on baraag for the sake of posting there. Other artist who felt they had no choice but to migrate to the platform realized it's no fun posting art on a platform where your art barely gets any damn attention...It's like creating and not showing it off at all..Where's the damn fun in that?
My failures on Baraag however is a clear indication that I aught to stop trying to appeal to the place but I've run out of platforms to showcase my art. The other day I looked at something I posted last year and I noticed it only had a pitiful 24 likes on it...The same images that had over 500+ likes on Pixiv before I removed it all which goes to show...Baraag is a horrible replacement. I try to avoid looking at the amount of favs, boost/toots, etc. That my content might have on it it's the only way I can avoid disappointment so I never click directly on my images which usually display the amount of likes/favs an image or set of images might have right at the bottom.
When the numbers are quite low it makes me feel like a goddamn failure but I know it isn't me, the problem is the platform itself and it's community's lack of interest in what I have to offer. I'm getting the same overlook treatment I use to get when I first arrived on Pixiv back in early 2016 after I had a falling out with Deviant art because they didn't appreciate me either.
Certainly I have done all that I can to appeal to the number of communities I have been a part of over the years. But unfortunately it's not working out very well for me..If Pixiv hadn't punked out I wouldn't have to waste my time trying to please a community with no interest in me elsewhere...It has come to my attention that it really is hard marketing yourself nowadays...Especially if you don't take risk, rely on stupid trends, or relying on popular mainstream characters etc. I use mainstream characters quite often but I don't make them the focus of my work on a constant basis. I have plenty of my own original characters. So most of my attention is focused on them and not characters that belong to someone else.
My art on Pixiv had a lot more substance, people were drawn to it until all the changes happened. Now I'm trying to determine if it's even worth investing in an expensive new computer which I'll have to use a credit card to even pay for since the damn thing will cost around $1800...Taxes are a bitch where I reside.
They ended up charging me $200 for a restocking fee too when I returned the other PC, add on top of the fact I was scammed out of $450 last year after some lazy prick in India tricked me and he got into my computer and stole my identity...So I had to notify the bank, and even report it. Yet it did me no good, nothing was done...Instead it was a lesson that taught me to never make decisions when I'm high off sleeping medication and anti-depressants because I was abusing them to make the bothersome voices go away.
So I've lost a lot of money and making a comeback would require a lot of time and effort....Time is one of those rare things I don't have to waste anymore and I keep hearing how the year 2024 is about to be the toughest and hardest year yet with more wars, even higher inflation, a wrecked economy, possible terror attacks, all kinds of disruptive scenarios that can easily ruin my chance at rebuilding or just cause more world wide trauma just like the whole Covoid scare in 2020. People are just tired of all the bullshit fear porn lately, myself included...
One thing I have noticed is that I see that less people are happy or even enjoying life anymore but this is what the people who run our world today want. We get told that our fictionalize ideas is dangerous or a threat. They want us to hate the shit out of life, if they see so much as a smile cross our faces, that's a big ass hell no. We're being censored from speech, censored from expression, anything that's too much fun is a criminal offense according to the book.
Maybe that's why the internet feels so dead to me lately. Maybe if I had of been posting my art on baraag early I could have done well...Maybe it will take a little more time if I can make more art somehow and post it until the masses catch on. Last year I posted my best work and unleashed full artillery of the darkest ideas I've ever had to date. It was all or nothing, and I was determined to rise from obscurity vs the fame and recognition I amassed on Pixiv.
Back in 2013-2015 people were drawn to those themes a lot and my art would often get added to people's groups. Once I moved over to Pixiv I figured I'd try something new and different, so around 2018-2019 I was dishing out challenging content that put me in the position to grow immensely over time. By 2020 I had over 10,000 followers and between 2021-2023 it grew to 12,000+ some artist have over 300,000 or more which is damn insane...
But usually it's either a very popular well known artist that has a platform with Twitter, pixiv, Patreon, and a multitude of other places they can host and post their content without any trouble or problems....Or they are following some really mainstream idea, another reason is that artist who draw 2D content vs 3D always have the most fan support anyway unless you are an animator...Animators in general including the sloppy ones who can't really animate that well at all often appeal to a lot of people by default. If you know how to animate even a little and post it on Pixiv, you will attract a lot attention.
I know this firsthand because I use to post some of KamadevaSFM's animations on Pixiv just to help him get more patreon supporters...And even though the animations weren't mine, they use to get more likes than my own artwork did excluding a lot of the "problematic" artwork that gained me more than enough attention and supporters to be proud of myself. I'm talking almost 8,000 or so likes with the content I removed on top of Kamadeva's animations that were also getting those high ratings and likes especially his very good ones.
Then I decided this year to just pull down all the videos because I didn't want to have someone else's art posted on my page anymore and people keep making the mistake that it was mine even though Kama's name was on the videos and people would still ask "Can you do more animations?" And I'm pointing at the name "see that name KamadevaSFM at the bottom of the video? I didn't create these, I'm helping because he asked me to. He doesn't want to make a profile on Pixiv, censoring his videos would drive him nuts."
I don't really know how much attention the recent work I posted on baraag has, I didn't look....It could be high, could be low...I'm too afraid to look. I don't want to get angry at the lack of support and delete my account out of frustration...But as far as creating anything new this year goes, well I haven't created anything new since my PC broke down on me last year in October.
So retiring this year is still on the table considering how fed up I am with the real world. What's the point in making art when you barely have no freedom or your content is being ignored outside
of platforms where it was once appreciated? That or either censorship preventing you from enjoying life at all.
I can be doing something else productive with my time instead of trying to entertain an unappreciative community that overlooks me and my efforts. Or dealing with policies that won't let me have any fun elsewhere. Like outlawing fiction is going to prevent callous scum from trafficking and selling people into sex slavery. If there is money to be made, people will do it period. Censorship against fiction won't solve anything just like these expensive war on drug campaigns have failed to reduce illegal drug distribution and consumption.
Some people say legalizing all drugs will resolve that war on drug problem. But you can't just legalize something like meth or heroin and pretend it will reduce murder rates....That's crazy nor would it solve any other crime related problems either...San Fransisco officials were giving out needles to the homeless and allowing them to shoot up in public...Now look at the place...Danger on every block. Legalizing it just means people will abuse it even more because they wouldn't have to live in fear of getting caught. But States like CA doesn't care anymore. If a cop sees someone shooting up, he won't try to stop them.
To wrap all of this up, harmless artist are no threat to humanity compared to the people who purposely create crises after crises all while making it harder for the rest us to live worry free. I am a threat to myself and my own well being only..That's what separates me apart from every other artist. I got tired of bottling my real self up and hiding who I was...I don't do that anymore...There's a reason we artist use art as a form of escapism. The whole point is to escape from reality for awhile because it's garbage, no one wants to live it anymore. We live life through fiction for pure coping reasons, at least I can speak for myself on this one.
When I feel like unleashing the darkness and hatred within me that can't be tamed by any other means besides the Dark Arts itself because I don't drink alcohol, or do drugs besides the ones I get prescribed from the doctor for depression and anger issues, and I'm always angry..When I feel voices talking to me. I just dig deep into the scariest corners of my mind where the soul is in serious agonizing pain and suffrage... The psychologist I had before, he knows this all too well about me....When it hurts bad enough on the inside, I just go for it. I guess I just wanted to share this with others and perhaps they would understand me better before I die someday, become part of me in some way....But I was wrong...
My art provides me with the tools to do things I wouldn't do in real life unless I was possessed by real demons and had no physical, mental control or power over my own actions....Such demons would have to be incredibly strong to have that kind of dominance over me.The kind of dominance that exist in movies like the exorcist where even the priest couldn't expel the demons from the body of the prisoner... But demons are afraid to get anywhere near me that's why they could never possess me....I can hear them talking sometimes and even whispering and I just punch them in the mouth and they leave me alone for awhile...They know how brutal my mental state of mind really is.
You know how often I've had intense sexual thoughts about screwing a demon possessed woman for pissing me off? Just imagine myself ruthlessly ravaging such a bitch with her masculine voice as she takes it hard against the wall or she takes me hard in the amazon fuck position yelling offensive language at me in Latin or some crazy madness...And I demand her to abuse me harder and faster. No demon is stupid enough to test me on my worse day...If they were real and came anywhere near me they will know what it's like to encounter a man at war with himself during desperate times of struggle and never ending turmoil...My pain is the worse pain imaginable. That pain is what made me who I am today...
