A second thought about completing my book
But the reality of all of this is that I feel rather conflicted about my work these days and often wonder if I'm just creating for the sake of creating, or am I really just doing this as a coping mechanism to combat my severe depression until I just stop caring and put an end to it already. For whatever it's worth, I thought about going back into therapy even though I know it won't do me any good. I use to indulge in a lot of exciting things way back in the early 90s, but something truly happened to media over the past couple of years.
I'm not motivated by anything that gets produced in the declining West. So the other night I kept day dreaming about doing something really interesting or at least completing my escape from Echidna Alysum story I had stopped working on for over two years now. Especially after I had realized I forgot to turn off the damn texture compression feature or at the very least set it up correctly. But when I was looking over what I had completed so far, I began questioning if whether or not I should try to finish it or give up. The problem is I don't have the right support to work on big projects like that anymore, if I sat here spending a few days creating for a book, how will I go about selling and earning money for it? Of course I do find some motivation any time one of my favorite animators creates something and then I might get a little inspired to try to finish my own half complete work.
The thing that got me thinking about finishing my current project is that I had this wild idea about a cult full of fallen perverted nuns who are kidnapping young girls and taking them to some secluded cathedral deep into the woods. All of this madness would happen during Gretchen and Veronica's escape from the hospital. Along the way they embark on this dark and thriller adventure as they try to make it back home through the dark fog encountering all sorts of dangerous threats...And it was that very idea that made me think really hard on whether or not I should try to finish at least one book...I just can't help but feel as though I should have worked a lot harder and did all this stuff earlier. I just didn't have the damn right idea at the time.
Escape from Echidna Asylum is an early 1990s horror thriller, back then thrillers use to be all the rage so I needed to feel the will to try to finish what I started two years ago. When nothing was doing it for me, I had to watch Stephen King's Misery to see if it would help put me in the mood to finishing my project. Silent Hill itself hasn't been a great tool for motivating me at all, Konami or who ever they allowed to work on these newer titles of the series continuously shits on the franchise by churning out more cancerous turds...Townfall is their latest shitstain after they failed to wash their ass from the other failure that is Silent Hill F...I can no longer get excited for a Silent Hill game, and the series hasn't inspired me at all in years. This is why I've pretty much been trying to just make my own content really work without relying on any other source. I mean yes, I still use characters from Silent Hill because they are a big part of Shadow Hill. But I'll ignore all of this modern trash that has done more harm to the series than anything else.
I just wanted a unique story with a lot of terror and sexual moments that made explicit content less of a damn drag. Everytime I see the kind of stuff Rigid3D is doing, I'm thinking "If only I could create cum lathered bodies the way this guy does." Half the time I'm painfully bored with my own content, and that also makes it harder for me to remain focus on getting anything important completed.
