The Curse Of The Artist And The Direction We Take
For
the longest of time I've been in this digital art business
trying to rise up, some people will argue that competition is unhealthy
because "everybody is a winner." After all, everyone is "equal" right?
We're all the same, aren't we? I say bullshit. Then you have the
class that will disagree and claim that competition is beneficial
because it forces people to push themselves even harder. Regardless of
how you look at these things. I never too much considered myself to be
at war with anybody artistically because I'm always trying to form
bonds, and alliances with other artist I encounter or come across.
Building
strong and solid relationships in this line of work is beneficial.
Often or not some artist will even join forces and collaborate. It's
just that lately, the majority of them kind of disappeared or just fell
off the map after multiple purges or real life called their name. The
other day Kamasdeva and I was having a lengthy discussion about this,
and he went on about the majority of animators that are no longer active
anymore, names like Tsoni aught to ring a bell to those that remember
who they once were before they seized producing anything over several
months. Then Kama mentioned Aardvark being MIA for over 4 years with a
project that's still in limbo that was never completed.
And so now we have this endless shortage of artist from the past vanishing and a long line of newcomers with little to no experience waiting to get their chance to prove their self worth as an artist among the millions of other active artistic masters that are still holding their position and leaving a mark as they continue to progress and move forward. Sometimes you have those with no direction or a master to teach them the ways of the "Dark side." They find themselves quite lost out in the cold, or wandering in search of a purpose like a Ronin that wants to become a Warlord someday that has earned the respect and recognition for his contributions to the community they serve.
But
I'm not going to sit here and
try to pretend like I'm equal to someone that I know is better than I am
at doing specific things I know that I can't do, even if I tried hard
enough.With me, I can openly accept that there are artistic
people in this world that's better than I am at certain things even if I
became jealous of their abilities to achieve what I could never
achieve. I don't lie to myself by claiming I'm "equal" or "greater" than
someone that I know is artistically superior. What I can say, however,
and this is the hardcore truth. Out of all the artist that are involved
in futanari
or girl on girl, I believe to be better than ALL OF THEM when it comes
down to ideas. There just is no contest between me and anyone else doing this.
The
reason why I believe that, is because I invest in risky ideas, I take
chances, and I'm not afraid to experiment either even if I have reason
to believe that I might regret doing something as an artist later like
how I felt I mishandled Emma in The Little Red Fox, and I wasn't happy
about turning her into a prison bitch.
At times,
I've questioned my own motives and artistic direction when I wasn't so
sure about what I wanted to do. There are only a certain percentage that
I consider to be above me when it comes down to creating content
because there are specific things they can do that I can't do. For
instance, SquarePeg is definitely
one of the best 3D artist at producing semen in his work, the only
other artist I know of that comes even remotely close to him at doing
this level of work with fluids is BadOnion and the artist that goes by the name NoOne. There are a few others that caught up to him at it though but I don't remember all their names. I have met people that said they weren't a fan of SquarePegs cum because it was too chunky looking, and yes in some scenes he does have a tendency to overdo it. But I still find very few artist capable of making a big mess with semen in their images.
This
guy is really something else...Seriously, he's on a whole new level of
explicit. I cant even begin to imagine how much time it probably took
him to do all of this...Goddamn.
I face a lot
of restrictions in my own work, and it is these limitations that often
prevent me from wanting to even try anymore, or often making me feel as
if I want to just call it quits and give up. I've met a lot of people
new to the art world that get frustrated with things like lighting up
their scenes. That's how I was too when I got into using DAZ, I became infuriated with lighting my scenes because I had no idea what it was that I was doing wrong.
I've heard people write up asinine blogs about lighting with all kinds of incorrect information,
saying things like "there is no right or wrong way to light up a
scene." If you're ever reading a blog about lighting in 3D and someone
says this, they have no damn idea what they are talking about and is
giving you BAD ADVICE. If they are a veteran telling you this, they
should be ashamed of themselves for dishonesty or pay attention to what
they are trying to teach you.
There is so a right and wrong way
to light a scene. The way you position and place lights in a scene make
all the difference in the world. Unlike drawing everything by hand, in
3D lighting as they say can make or break a scene depending on how you
use them. You can't just take a bunch of lights and randomly throw them
anywhere in a scene, hit render, and expect to produce something dangerous that will bring forth the crowds to admire you.
No,
you have to position them a certain way, put them in the wrong spot you
might have flat shadows or no shadows at all. Any 3D imagine that lacks
shadows will be FLAT. Use too many lights, and you'll end up with
extremely bright and washed out renders that look horrifying and hard to
look at. And if you use very little lighting at all without adjusting specific settings you may have pitch black
renders or very dark images that's hard to see anything. When doing dark
scenes for something like horror, you REALLY have to be careful with how you place your lights in a scene. There
is a reason why very few artists even bother with doing dark scenes, it's
harder than brighter scenes. So most people avoid nighttime type themes,
or something that creates a horror type mood.
Use
the wrong light or some method that's outdated or unnecessary in a
unbiased rendering engine, you could wind up with harsh and heavy ugly
unrealistic hard shadows which is just as bad as not having any shadows
at all. I only use about one or two light sources in my own work.
Sometimes more than that, depending on the environment. BUT I never just
throw a spotlight here, a point light there, and another spotlight
there...Then click render and hope for the best.
I
carefully place my lights where I feel lighting should be coming from,
and I make sure not to burn out my scenes by using too many bright
lights like I see a lot of artists
doing nowadays. I have made these mistakes a few times, normally with very white skin or bright clothing...It's easier to do this if a shirt or pair of pants is white...So you have to be extra careful with bright lights if your character is wearing bright colors or there are bright shaders whether it's a bedsheet, pillow case, etc you have to be very careful with how bright the lights are or they will cause a burnt out effect. I can easily teach a person how to master lighting a
scene within a day or two, and it wouldn't require me to write up a
boring 3-hour video tutorial explaining it either.
In biased
renderers it's easier than doing it in unbiased programs,
and that's another factor. Some artist will even say bogus garbage like
"Rendering Engines don't matter" or "It's not the program, it's the
artist that count." That is a load of horse shit...and MORE bad advice.
Because the program does so matter, if it didn't, you wouldn't have so
many people jumping from SFM to Blender or going from Poser to DAZ.
 |
My main issue is sometimes direction, and content itself. I can create some of the best material, I consider myself to be a major risk-taker and I do enjoy what I do. It's just that sometimes, I wish that I could be even BETTER, you know? Right now, I can't for the life of me do the kind of things I see SquarePeg doing with semen yet...I'm not saying he's above all 3D artist, because he isn't. He's just above them when it comes down to doing shit like fluids, since everyone else is pretty much copying his method if they aren't producing it themselves. I've asked a lot of 3D artists up front how they make fluids, and a lot of them admitted it was from SquarePegs tutorial. So there is no denying he isn't an influence because he is.
I've
also met a lot of Japanese and Korean digital artist recently, and a
lot of them are very talented at producing Japanese and Korean women
characters that look like real people. When I asked them directly, how
did they do it. I was amazed to find out some of them did it directly in
DAZ with the regular morph tools, vs creating the damn figures entirely from scratch in Zbrush or something. I've gotten better at making East Asian women as well.
My
problem is sometimes I truly do feel like a failure as an artist, and
as a person too. I usually look at my work, and then I might look at
another artist's work and say something along the lines "How did they do
that? How come I can't do it?" Normally I don't have a defeatist like
attitude, I'm just real and honest about the way I see things. I
approach my content with a vision, I'm a visionary and creative. It's
okay for artist to feel like they aren't good enough. At times negative
energy encourages me to work harder, other times it makes me lose all
hope.
I've met a lot of artists in my life, most of them good
people.
I know this artist named Tunofun, and he's a well-rounded individual, friendly, and helpful. I
approached him on Baraag a few weeks ago and asked him about semen. And
ever since then we've been both working together behind closed doors
studying the art of sperm development in Blender together. The one
thing I enjoy about a lot of the people I encounter through my work or
through their own work.
I can joke with them and not offend them.
Most of my male supporters and artist I know, I joke with them in a
homosexual manner all the time, and everyone just laughs or joke right
back. We have fun in our chats and discussions on discord. When I'm not
trying to figure out something in the dark, I'm co-streaming with Allesey, another artist I'm very close to. He's Korean, and we usually stream together on Pixiv side by side. It's things like this that make me enjoy what I do.
The
art world has brought me a lot closer to people than any other platform
I've used in the past. To the majority, it's just a hobby for them to
escape reality for a while.
Others such as myself do it for a living, it's part of who we are…This
is our life.
Overall, I hate to think of myself as a failure, but deep down I know I'm no successor either. Oh sure, I made three graphic novels and sold them successfully well. In the end, I just want to make other people happy is all, even if I'm rarely ever happy myself. If I can brighten the lives of other people when I create something? At least I did something I can be proud of, even if I'm not on top like I'd love to be.
There are quite a few artist that made it, and you know I'm proud
they got there, proud they got where they want to be at in life...I came
up from the bottom, it's sad sometimes but....I have no idea what it's
like to be at the top to experience real victory...Failure? Failure is
something I'm familiar with...Too familiar...Why? Because I was born as
one and I'll probably die as one as well. Sorry for getting "Blackpill" on you. But I can't pretend I'm going to make it..I probably wont.
